Thinking we knew what life was like
underneath a surface full of exploit,
she tried to obey the rules of the streets.
She thought she was keeping us
shielded and guarded from a world.
it was all too much for her
she fell to the bottom
to the scum of the earth.
No one wanted to look anymore.
Heavily dependent on Meth
the beauty pageant wasn’t sure
they wanted her with her new crystals.
She was left to herself
no one understood
her glamorous life
time and attention
was exclusively hers.
Not just anyone could survive
down there in the depths of despair.
Time and her conditions
left a heavy mark
the addiction transformed
the Beauty Queen.
Not soon after, we recall
her paranoid insecurities
were lit aflame.
It was hard to understand
her reality, but none the less
it was real to her
she was our sister.
Inside to all of us
she was still
the most beautiful one.
She tried to make her skin glamorous again
it was too late, the marks were permanent.
Her teeth either missing or gone.
It was hard to see my sister this way
in the span of a year.
Going from winning the pageants
and signing exclusive offers
appearing in magazines
for Nordstrom and Saks 5th Avenue,
it’s harder to look at her then.
That one exclusive year
happened years ago and it’s taken her,
and I mean really taken her,
not only to the depths but to the edge.
She was revived,
the siblings were called
I remember in that hospital
we had to help her.
Adding our support,
and help it was amazing to watch.
My younger brothers taking their turn,
my sisters who sometimes felt second
they gave unconditional love.
Thank goodness there are 7 of us.
We got her to believe again,
she eventually fought for herself.
We helped fix the broken pieces
the best we could,
her smile was back.
The one thing about her,
that I admire more than anything
she’d give you her last dollar.
Not only super giving, but she puts
the world first in front of herself.
To her own detriment
she had that one selfish year
it literally cleansed her
washing the narcissism out.
In the long run, if she would of gone on
winning all the beauty pageants,
her beauty would have
eventually faded and what then?
The sister we have now
is so grateful and is still our superstar.
The day she fell and landed face down
in the scum,
into this beautiful dragonfly.
She’s thankful for the understanding
a year can’t define time,
she gave me permission
to write about the
the dangers out there
and what exactly triggered that year
“I was taking drugs
to seduce a feeling.”
Helpful Support Numbers
Massachusetts Substance Abuse Hotline
National Drug Helpline